Carl Hates Everything. (1 User Submitted)

       As you all know, TTHA is my favorite time of the week where I get to connect directly with you, get inside your head a little, and find out what makes my readers tick. Not this week. This week for the Homework Assignment I asked you guys to name something you absolutely hate that everyone else seems to think is pretty sweet... Now do you remember back at the science fair in 3rd grade when you would bring in your solar system made out of bouncy balls from the quarter machines at Big Lots, and then some jagaloon would roll in a few minutes later with a to-scale model of the Hubble Space Telescope (his dad worked for NASA) that took actual video footage while baking pizzas for the entire class? That overachiever was loyal reader, Carl. He ran away with the blue ribbon this week, wrecked the grading curve, and now all of the rest of you are just going to have to study up and wait for your chance to shine next week.
        Carl is a brilliant mind who frequents TroxTalk even though he has to move down a weight class for his I.Q. to process my immature ramblings on this blog. He always contributes, and he's always entertaining, so I don't even bother to ask what he's doing here. Why does the most interesting man in the world prefer Dos Equis? That's kind of like our friend Carl. He doesn't always read the blogs of lowly degenerates, but when he does, he prefers TroxTalk.com.
       All I asked for was a simple "thing you hate" and it lit a fuse inside Carl which exploded like a thousand pounds of TNT from a Wile E. Coyote cartoon all over my email inbox...It was a list, in all caps, which made me laugh until my eyes welled up and my face was beet red. It was a random assortment, in no particular order, of the things Carl hates. And frankly, Carl Hates Everything. The truth is, even though this post is in his honor, I doubt Carl will be able to suffer through it's entirety.

TACO BELL

         Bland, mushy food served by unclean people at a typically uncleanlooking store. I have to open 15 packets of their hottest sauce to enjoy any of their pablum.

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY
  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY
  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA
  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY
  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MIAMI 

            My wife watches some of these which is why I know about them. I can't make it past 5 minutes of listening to the rich, pretentious women on these shows talk about anything without feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack if I don't find a window to jump out of.

 

Teen Vampire Movies

Ugh.

Religion

 Causes more problems than it solves. Abused by charlatans as an excuse for violence and control.

 

Bud Light

 It has no flavor.

Movie Theater Popcorn Butter

 It tastes weird and it's horrible for you.

Chicken Breasts

          Little flavor and unless cooked correctly it's always dry. It's on every fucking menu because it's cheap and the favorite piece of chicken by people who also happen to like bland, dry food. I get excited about a chicken dish on a restaurant menu, then I see it's a breast and I don't order it. Always skinless, which just removes flavor. If it's fried with skin, it can pass. SKIN AND DARK MEAT are where the flavor game is in chicken.
 

Country Music

          It's corny, I don't like the twang noise, and it's embraced by a lot of people who think stupid is a virtue.
 

Crossover Country Music Stars

See Above.

Cats

          It's just accepted that they shit and piss in your house. Clean up is one of the worst jobs in the world, which I had for many years as my wife brought a cat into our relationship. Fuck cats.

Small (Cat-Sized) Dogs

           Endless high-pitched barking. Can't leave them in a house for any length of time because they can't "hold it" for very long.
 

Local Sports Radio

           ENDLESS DISSECTING OF LOCAL SPORTS MINUTIAE. BORING. Even if I'm passionate about a team, hearing assholes on the radio go on and on about them makes me like the team less. Maybe I'd disagree if I lived in a big city.

Nascar

            I know there's a lot of behind-the-scenes complexity and strategy in this sport, but the actual action of the "game," which is cars driving in a fucking oval with an occasional wreck is mind-numbing.

Saggy Pants

                     I don't want to see a man's underwear.

Pointy Women's Shoes

              THEY'RE UGLY. Makes the woman wearing them look like a fucking witch. They also look like the weapons of man-hating, bitchy women. It hurts my balls just looking at them.

SUV'S AND TRUCKS

I'm sick of seeing them.

           And boom goes the dynamite. Carl just went wire to wire on this weeks TroxTalk Homework Assignment. Everyone else, step your game up or else this thing could become CarlTalk.com. For those of you besides Carl who made submissions, don't worry I like to keep it fair. You'll get your own mini posts throughout the weekend too. Anytime I see this kind of effort go into making TroxTalk better, I'll let it go on as long as it needs to. No one who contributes and contributes well is going to get cut short. I would like to remind everyone that the views and opinions expressed in this TTHA were Carl's and Carl's alone. (Except the Bud Light part. That shit is gross.) If you disagree with any of it, which I'm sure some of you do, leave a comment, and I can probably get Carl to tear you a new one. Thanks again for making my job easy this week, Carl. You're the man, and my new hero. In Carl We Trust.

                                                                     Warmest Regards,
                                                                     Trox

P.S. There is only ONE guy who hates more stuff than Carl does.