Meet Me at the Fat Ho.

I agree that the world does need a better sense of humor..but what in the blue hell does the tragedy in Japan have to do with your Supa Fly Ho combo meal?

 

HAPPY 46TH BIRTHDAY, SJP!!

"Always put your best foot forward, and never look a gift horse in the mouth." - Sarah Jessica Parker

There Goes My Hero! (Reader Submitted)

     No matter where you go, you'll never escape that song. God bless the Foo Fighters. They are the most overplayed band on the planet and every time I hear them I am so glad they aren't Creed or Nickelback that I don't even mind listening to the same 4 songs over and over on every station...Was this a Foo Fighters post? We've been cranking out the jams in such rapid succession here at TroxTalk that I almost forgot where I was headed..AHHH YES! HOMEWORK!

      For this TTHA (Trox Talk Homework Assignment is the new official title) I asked you, the reader who your favorite athlete was to ever grace a field, court, pitch, rink, or alley. If anyone had actually picked a bowler, I would have given you a plaque. Everyone has that one sports figure who had a hand in shaping the person they are today. Take mine for example. 

Frank Thomas AKA The Big Hurt

         Just look at that monster. Frank was 6'5" and weighed about 270. Over 18 seasons he had a career batting average of .301, he hit 521 homers, he had about 2500 hits, and just over 1700 RBIs. In short, during the mid 90s he was an absolute freaking beast! Not to mention he had about the coolest nickname a professional athlete could have. You may as well have told me his nickname was He-Man. I was completely sold. The Big Hurt was a 5 time All-Star (incidentally those All Star games were during the same 5 seasons I played little league if I'm not mistaken. We were soulmates.) He had 4 Silver Slugger Awards, 2 AL MVPs, and he won the Home Run Derby in 1995. Frank wore the number 35 like me. He was an outfielder like me. He was a little chubby like me. And he was better at mashing the ball than he was at running the bases...like me. His arms were gigantic and his head was the size of a melon, so he was probably roided out like the rest of the goons from his era, but I didn't care. Little kids don't give a shit about juicin'. I even had the video game featuring Frank Thomas!

You can't photoshop a game this bad.

        Since Franky T was mine, I was pretty anxious to see who you would guys would come up with...Let's get to it. Please pass your papers to the front...

Submitted by Polar J. Bear. "Barry Sanders because he played for a shitty team and he made it happen anyway. He never showed off and retired on top. I mean Emmit Smith had more rushing yards, but he also had 6 coked-up Clydesdales blocking for him."

Submitted by Jesse. "Pelé is the Michael Jordan of soccer. When you're a kid and you grow up playing Soccer, he's what you aspire to be. He was quick, and he broke people's ankles left and right." If soccer was a sport, this would be a perfect submission. Sorry, I had to.

Submitted by Syphax. "It was Chris Sabo, because I wore glasses as a kid and the whole rec-specs thing, anyway it was the early 90's, I was a young fool. I met him last year as all the Red's were back in town celebrating the 20th anniversary of their World Series season...he was a dick. It was like meeting ALF only to find out he was an alcoholic who likes little boys, TOTAL let down. I had just met Eric Davis that night, HE suggested we get a picture, I was just starstruck, a 45 second encounter and I let him go on with his night, I didn't want to be THAT guy. I saw Sabo, and had to talk to him to tell him he was my childhood idol and all I got was, "I'm trying to have a good time, in private." And he walked away."

Submitted by Dustin, Trox's trusted attorney..Who apparently Trox will be needing soon if he continues to badger Rihanna.. "Craig Biggio – yeah, he isn’t too fancy and was never a flashy player, but he has the record for most hit by pitches. I got to see him as a kid at the Astrodome (yeah, with the original astro turf that was like playing on concrete) and he was always a solid player."

Submitted by D-Bag and Steve M. 2sports+2votes. Bo Knows math. These posters respectively said..."I'd have to say Bo Jackson. 2 Sports. Awesome at both of  'em." and "Bo Jackson. He was a phenom!" Bo probably would have been my close second to Frank Thomas..Do you remember catching him on Techmo Bowl? Neither does anyone else! Also, Did you catch Chris...errrr...Jim Everett in that old 'Bo Knows' spot? TV used to be better.

Submitted by Dave from The Best Podcast. "Bill Russell. 11 titles in 13 years." 'Nuff said.

Submitted by Schuster.

"To me, Barry is the modern epitome of cincinnati reds baseball. A classy player with a brilliant skill set. Entertaining to watch, and  a great leader. Plus his number was 11, which is my birthday day. That didn't hurt. Down the road, the guy even took a massive pay cut so he could stay in our city and play ball here. A great role model as a citizen and a ball player

Ironically, I became a pitcher,

but that's a different story."
 

Submitted by Phinny from The Best Podcast. "It's almost as difficult to make an argument against Steve Yzerman being the greatest hockey player of all-time as it is to pronounce his last name. Drafted by Detroit at the ripe age of 18, he was the primary catalyst in transforming the "Dead Wings" of the 80s into the perennial powerhouse that the Red Wings are today. Along the way, he managed to win 3 Stanley Cups, appear in 10 All-Star games, win an Olympic Gold medal, and have his #19 jersey honored forever in the rafters of Hockeytown. He wrote the book on hockey while everyone else was trying to bitTorrent the Cliff Notes on a 56K. As the longest-serving team captain in NHL history, Steve Yzerman is the definition of a leader and my favorite athlete of all-time."

Submitted by Chaske. "I like Kobe because he's a ruthless competitor, is a cold-blooded finisher at the end of games, has won multiple titles, and is one of the few professional athletes nowadays that actually puts the team before himself/fame/accolades and wants only to win championships. He hasn't labeled himself an 'entertainer and icon', doesn't run his mouth in the media, he's a winner." (EDITORS NOTE: When you are lethal enough to earn the moniker "The Black Mamba" and your skills make people forget about monogamy altogether, it means you're doing something right.)
 

Submitted by Cody. "I'll go with Cal Ripken Jr. His nickname was the Iron Man. He so loved the game of baseball that he didn't miss a single game for over 16 seasons." Is it safe to say that CRJ has been to more Orioles games than all the fans in Baltimore combined? I kid.

 

Submitted by Tommy.

"Deion Sanders. i loved him growing upcause he was a show offand would talk shit..and prove it" Me too Tommy, I like the showboats, and Prime Time was the king.

Submitted by Derrick. MJ was the man. I've been a huge North Carolina fan all my life because I grew up there. Everyone known his is the best basketball player who ever lived." ANOTHER EDITORS NOTE:  Michael Jordan is the face of pro basketball. Also Nike, Coca Cola, Chevrolet, Gatorade, McDonalds, Ball Park Franks, Ray O Vac, Hanes, Wheaties, MCI, harbored grudges, and Space Jam... Even girls grew up wanting to be his Air-ness. I'm not sure if anyone will ever be as great at anything as his was at basketball.

           Well, that wraps up this week's TTHA! This might be the best one to date. Thanks to everyone who made the grade. Your submissions keep the TroxTalk engine from stalling. I might try to get into a little college hoops if I get time over the weekend. I'm just one man. If not, I'll check you Monday. "Yo, homes! Smell ya lata!"

                                                                     Warmest Regards,

                                                                       Trox

I Haven't Been This Amped for a Video Game in a While...

       After playing the demo that came out this week, I was having some trouble deciding whether I should get the new Mortal Kombat for Xbox360 or PS3 when it finally comes next month. Looks like Warner Brothers Games and Nether Realm Studios made the decision for me. TroxTalk will dig a deeper into the world of MK soon enough, but this has me fired up for the time being.

I Can't Decide If I Like Justin Bieber a Little Bit More...

Or Slipknot a Little Bit Less....

I do know it's a pretty wild party when Iowa and Canada get together.

A Fond Farewell to Steve Carell...

           Hell yeah that rhymed! Tonight at 9pm on NBC the hit series The Office will say a final goodbye to it's lead character Michael Scott. While fans have known about his departure for a little over a year, I think the reality for us is finally starting to sink in. The show will survive based entirely on whether or not NBC can successfully nail down a solid replacement for Carell. Those are some pretty big shoes to fill. I personally own every season of The Office on DVD and I still go back and watch my favorite episodes from time to time. While every character brings something unique to the table (my personal favorite being Andy Bernard), Michael Scott is the glue that holds the whole thing together. 

 

Like I said..BIG shoes to fill..

          It has already been established that, to finish off this season, there will be a 4 episode story arc that will feature Will Ferrell as Steve Carell's replacement. After that, the future is still unclear. I sincerely hope that they are just trying Ferrell out to see if they want to continue to use him on the show going forward. I'm fairly certain he will knock it out of the park. He already has some experience playing this type of character. Maybe he'll watch some of his old SNL skits for inspiration.

Sorry for the poor video quality. SNL must keep pretty strict tabs on their content.

           It would appear that Will Farrell is a big enough star with the right skill set to live up to the lofty expectations of the fan base if he chooses to stick around. If not, I have a few suggestions for a Michael Scott replacement of my own...even thought NBC hasn't officially asked me for my opinion...yet....

Most people think Ricky Gervais is the obvious choice. He was on the original Office series in the UK (by the way for all of you British version honks out there. It wasn't better. Stop lying to yourselves. It's embarrassing.) He did a great job on that version and his character David Brent could be directly ported to it's American counterpart. The fact that NBC brought Gervais in as a goof on the fans earlier this season leads me to believe that Ricky probably won't be the new full-time guy, but I think people would be fine with it if he were.

After he wraps up everything going on with Iron Man 3 Robert Downey Jr. might want to take things down a notch. He has a tendency to do some lower level and independent projects for a while after he finishes with a big one. Also, he has some sitcom experience from his time on Alley McBeal. That show was terrible, so he may want to make things right with God by taking over on The Office. They may have to up the budget a little to get him though.

Before you ask, yes I did try to find pictures of all my picks for Michael Scott winking. And no I didn't succeed. Danny McBride has already been rumored to join the office cast. He would probably have to play a character who is a bit more egotistical and brash than Carell did, but I think McBride could pull it off, assuming East Bound and Down won't be in line for a 3rd season on HBO. Watch that show if you haven't already. 

Zach Galifianakis (spelled checked) would be my wild card pick for a role like this. From his Between Two Ferns web series, we already know he can be both funny and awkward, which is a fine foundation for a Michael Scott replacement. I'm not sure how keen he'd be on 'selling out' and going the sitcom route, but if he warmed up to it, he could do some great things. How many sequels to The Hangover can he really count on for his next big pay day?

Paul Rudd would be another nice free agent acquisition for The Office. He's quick witted and versatile. Also, like Will  Ferrell, he has a working history with Steve and could probably get a good word in with NBC execs if he were interested in the role. Plus he kinda looks like the middle management type. This one might be the biggest stretch of all because he probably isn't a big enough name just yet. Either way, I think we can all agree that Role Models was bitchin'.

While I realize most of my ideas are probably far from a realistic possibility, I also think it could be an interesting curveball if The Office brought in a female as Steve Carell's replacement. Kathryn Hahn and Kristen Wiig, in my opinion, are the two funniest women in the biz without a steady comedic gig. (Lisa Lapanelli is the funniest woman on earth, but she's a bit blue and might not translate well to network television. Jane Lynch already has Glee, but she's hilarious too.) Anyway, most people view SNL (also on NBC) as a stepping stone and The Office could be a nice jump up for either of these two ladies.

           Thanks for tuning in, and be sure to watch The Office on NBC tonight at 9pm so we can talk about it later. Who did I leave out? As always, send your thoughts, things I've mispelled, and death threats to trox@troxtalk.com and you can follow me on Twitter @troxtalk if it suits you.

                                                                      Warmest Regards,

                                                                       Trox

Could This Be the Most Hilarious Image on the Entire Internet?

       If this isn't the best thing ever, I'd like to see the pic that tops it. My buddies and I geeked out on this for hours. Who doesn't love a meme that puts you in your place?

The very first time I saw this it brought me to tears...then it did it again on the very second time.

Don't Be Such a Baby...Unless It's THIS Baby.

Didn't realize Rihanna was a touchy subject...Here's something silly to lighten the mood. You guys are so sensitive..

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones....

But Rihanna is a dirty-butt. 

        Let me explain. When was the last time you heard anything from former R&B sensation Chris Brown? A few years back you couldn't turn on the radio without hearing one of his hits like "Run it" and "Kiss, kiss". In fact, he was the first artist to have their debut single on top of the Billboard charts since Montell Jordan did it in 1995. Chris Brown was loved by the ladies, envied by the fellas, and was on a rocket ship to the top of the music industry until his run in with a gorgeous young pop vixen from Saint Michael, Barbados.

"You gotta get your grove on before you go get paid."

        Rihanna and Chris Brown dated for a while, and it apparently went sour. They had some problems (too young, too famous, happy meal toys, egos, etc.) which ultimately resulted in their split. Clearly the two weren't right for each other and Chris Brown took it pretty bad. He went off the deep end and allegedly began stalking her, threatening her, and in March of 2009 he was arrested for assault after Robyn Fenty...errr...Rihanna sustained visible injuries. The whole world turn on Brown, and while I'm not defending him (I thought he was kind of a d-bag long before he ever popped Rihanna in the kisser..allegedly) his fall from grace was epic, and most people had already written him off before the end of the first TMZ report. I'm not objective when it comes to domestic violence, so don't go telling people "I read on TroxTalk that Trox thinks hitting girls is funny." I tend to think a little outside the box, but there is no way I would ever try to justify a man putting his hands on a woman. My Gram raised me better than that. And Rihanna did appear to be in pretty bad shape. 

Gotta love the way TMZ watermarked this pic with their logo. "Nanny nanny boo boo! We saw her busted grill first.." Jackals.

       The paparazzi went crazy with this thing. Everyone, including myself, hated the shit out of Chris Brown for picking on a defenseless, helpless, little 5'8" 123lb angel with a beautiful singing voice. That's how we all knew her. Poor, poor Rihanna. What an awful man Chris Brown must be... Robyahnna even went on a media tour urging women to get out of abusive relationships before "it's too late." Then she appeared on 20/20 and did a tell-all interview with Diane Sawyer which, honestly, if you saw it there is no way you weren't at least a little touched. Basically, by this point, if you didn't hate Brown and want to be this young woman's Kevin Costner after seeing the way it all went down, you were a soulless, heartless, gutless freak of a demented human being...People, for the most part, continued to feel this way until a couple of months ago when this puzzling little number was released...

 

    Da Buck? I can't even imagine being a parent in today's society.."Chains and whips excite me...Daddy what does that mean??"...."Uhhh...It means get back to your Pokemons."  
  

      Is it possible for someone to watch that video, and listen to that song without thinking about slapping a hate crow on somebody? I used to think Rihanna was one of the most beautiful women on the planet, but now she just seems kinda gross to me. I know that domestic violence is not the same as getting overly kinky in the sack. I also know that what Chris Brown did was completely wrong and inexcusable by anyone's standards. I still can't help but wonder about the psychology involved in all of this. Does it rub you the wrong way too? I mean, in Rihabyn's interview with Sawyer she even said, "The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other, equally as dangerous"... Did CB get tired of having a rubber ball rammed in his mouth every time he got laid? Maybe he just wanted to get some missionary going, but Ri kept sticking things in places where they didn't belong.. Is it naive to think that Chris thought he was just giving her what she 'wanted'? What if she was a psycho in bed, but he didn't want to tell anyone and end up the sissy who complained about getting to nail Rihanna because she was "too rough"? I guess it's possible that she developed these strange fetishes after her first love repeatedly beat the tar out of her. I'd say that could probably go a long way towards warping your sense of what true passion is...

Some say she gave him the herp. That was the last straw...

       I need reiterate..Don't go telling people that Trox is a misogynistic, wife beating, Satan-spawn. The truth is I don't really like anyone. Besides you. You're cool. Unless you are beating on your gf right now...Then you should stop...If you are really reading this and thinking that I'm taking up for ol' boy and his despicable behavior, then either I'm not the brilliant writer I thought I was, or your IOWA test for reading and comprehension came back false..probably the former. I will say that before this song came out I was 100% certain of who America should be pissed at in this situation, but as a deep thinking person I can't help but wonder how skewed the public's vision of this peculiar situation really is. I guess we'll never know for sure. Maybe I just wanted to see how I'd fare as a tabloid 'journalist'. Sometimes it's fun to be skeptical. 

                                                                Warmest Regards,

                                              

                                                                 Trox

P.S. Or maybe he's just a nutbar. There is nothing quite like getting to the end of a post, and finding something like this in your last bit of research..  I guess I might owe Rihanna an apology... Nah, that song was awful.
 

Less is more...

       I've been on vacation here for the last little bit dealing with some PC issues and whatnot, but I'm going to start making more of a concerted effort to right this TroxTalk ship. After reading some of your past emails, and talking with a few of my readers I've decided to switch gears a little bit when it comes to the posts on here. I tend to get a little wordy at times, and I realize not everyone has time to read a half hour dissertation every time they click over to TroxTalk. (And I'm still not completely convinced all of you can read.) So, with that in mind I am going to be trying something new for the next little while to see if it improves the overall experience for myself and (more importantly) for all of you. Basically, I'm leaning towards more posts, spanning over more topics, but with a slightly shorter format. I think it will be for the best. However, I'm still relatively new at this, so if it sucks, bear with me because I can always just switch it back.  

Trial and error, or trial by error, is a general method of problem solving, fixing things, or obtaining knowledge. "Learning doesn't happen from failure itself but rather from analyzing the failure, making a change, and then trying again." Works Cited: Wikipedia (take that English professors)

       Not that I consider this endeavor a failure to this point. I mean I am having fun, getting literally thousands of hits, and having some great interaction with people. In fact, considering this thing was supposed to be a way for me to vent and kill some time, I'd say TroxTalk is largely a success to this point. I love the Weekly Homework Assignment portion of the blog, so that is pretty much going to stay exactly the same. This week is the only exception because...let's just say my dog (computer) ate it. Nobody really felt like pausing their St. Patty's Day fun to email me pics anyway, so in hindsight it probably wasn't the best idea to begin with. Don't get me wrong. I may still do an old school post once in a while if I'm particularly stoked or pissed off about a given subject. The new content is just going to be a bit more pointed, and rapid fire. As always, I am open to suggestions, so if you aren't feeling it, let me know.
       Also, I've decided that I am not going to spam advertisements all over Facebook whenever I post something new. If I'm getting tons of reaction to a certain post I may throw it up there occasionally , but I've never cared meeting someone really cool who happens to be affiliated with some band, or cult, or Live Action Role Play group, and suddenly my FB news feed is being plastered with their "my band has 87 shows this month" or "I just became a level 17 Ninja-balloon artist". I honestly feel like I've built up a large enough number of viewers to pump the brakes on the shameless self-promotion. If I see the numbers slide I'll go back to being obnoxious about it. For now, I'll lay off. Did I just Tweet this to let you know that I will no longer be Tweeting this?...SHO NUFF! In the future TroxTalk will always be right here where you need it because the last thing I want TroxTalk to feel like is Farmtown...
       So, there's the update. I'll be making some tweaks (peep the new logo!) I'm still going to continue to keep it real by keepin' it real. I still hate Oprah, and I am still grateful for every single one of you slacker Troxaholics who follow along, and keep me grounded each day. Tomorrow is the dawn of a new day. Thanks for tuning back in. Here's a little something for your troubles...

                                                                 Warmest Regards,
                                                                  Trox

You're welcome.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

        A week or so ago, I was with a group of friends and a conversation started about the things that used to terrify us as children. Some people had pretty basic answers like "the dark" or "being alone", but there were some other fears that were a bit less conventional. Bicycles, frogs, and clowns were among my favorites. That's why I decided to open this topic up to you guys. Everyone had that ONE idea, image, or character that could send them into a horrified frenzy as a child, so for homework this week, I asked my readers for theirs. We'll get to that in just a second, but first I want to tell you about what scared the living shit out of me when I was a lad.

It was this little bastard, right here...

      Being a kid is filled with fearful and tearful experiences. Kids scrape knees, get grounded, and pull each other's hair. For me, NOTHING could have made my childhood experiences any worse than Chucky... Jason was 8 ft. tall with a hockey mask and a machete, Leatherface was a deranged maniac with a chainsaw, and Freddy Kreuger was a demon that killed you in your sleep! I was scared out of my wits by... a doll. In fact I still kind of hate him. I'm alone at the moment and I just caught myself scrolling down the page a bit as I type so that I don't have to see his face up there. Pretty pathetic right? Let me explain.
      When I discovered Child's Play for the first time, I didn't even actually see the movie. It was just a commercial. It was about a 30-45 second trailer for Child's Play in which a camera zoomed in on a Good Guy doll (which looked pretty much identical to the My Buddy which I took with me EVERYWHERE. Power Wheel rides, movie theaters, and just about any family function. I my buddy even made it to my Aunt's funeral for moral support. I may as well have written that damn jingle.."My buddy! My buddy! Where ever I go, he goes! My Buddy and me!!) ...sorry I got lost there for a second. Anyway, the camera zooms in on this eerily similar dolls smiling face and I lit up. MY doll was on TV? And he was going to be in his own movie?! AWESOME! Thats when his eyes turned red and his tiny smile creepily stretched from ear to ear..Uh oh..and a bit of blood began to trickle from the corners of his mouth..oh shit..and he belted out the most evil and sinister cackle that I could ever imagine. I immediately changed the channel and ran to my bed to hide under the covers. (Shut up. That was the ultimate last line of defense. The ol' trusty blanky. No self serving S.O.B. ever made a movie about an evil blanky. Thank God.) I left My Buddy in the TV room...

 

He doesn't have a hat..still close enough for a 6 year old.

         From that moment on, I was terrified of My Buddy. Every night I would try to throw him away. I'd dump him head first in the trash can and lie awake for hours praying he wouldn't ever come back. God didn't listen. And every morning, there Chucky  would be.. Seated upright, and smiling on my bottom bunk. (I was kind of a spoiled kid. Only child at the time, but I had me some bunkbeds..) I guess Gram just thought I was leaving him in the trash as part of a game or something, and she would return him to my room for me. Night after night... Either that, or she was aggravated because she paid $30 for the damn thing, and Chucky or not, I was going to play with it and like it! Reason made no matter. All I knew was that each day the evil possessed demon doll was back in my room, and the only logical explanation to a little kid is that he must be coming back for me all by himself because he wants me dead. The next few weeks I lived in utter fear. At one point it got so bad that I wouldn't even walk(or run) down the hallway if I had to go to the bathroom at night anymore. I would just stand on a chair in front of the kitchen sink, or if I was trying to make for an even quicker escape from Chucky, I'd just pee in the garbage can next to the fridge. It seems silly now, but at the time, it was all about survival.
          My terror continued for a while until one day my little cousin Jeffrey came over. He was a couple of years younger than me, so I was more than a little shocked when he entered my room and exclaimed, "You have a Chucky?! That is so sweet! I love Child's Play." ....F%$# YOU, JEFFREY! SWEET?! WAS HE KIDDING!!!??? I wanted to punch him. All these sleepless nights. All these, not-so trips to the restroom. All these images haunting me whenever I would close my eyes. SWEET!? I did the only thing that seemed fair. I gave My Buddy to Jeffrey. Not because I felt like he would appreciate it. Or because I thought it would help me get past my own fears. No. I gave My Buddy to my cousin Jeffrey that day because I felt like Jeffrey needed to be taught a lesson. I was older and smarter than he was, so naturally, Jeffrey wouldn't last a single night with that homicidal psychopath in his room...especially if he was just going to befriend Chucky and tell him how "sweet" he was. Jeffrey was certain to be a goner...but the lesson never came...they were best friends from then on...and I was left all alone. Whenever I am walking down a dark street at night, or I'm in that dimly lit hallway that leads you into a movie theater, or even sometimes when I get up in the night to take a leak, I still swear I can hear tiny footsteps pattering behind me...But I do own the entire Child's Play series on DVD.

Enough about me! What was YOUR Chucky?

My friend Steve said he suffered virtually the exact same Child's Play trauma I did. Good news buddy! They might be making a new one soon...

"I was scared of the movie nightmare before Christmas! I loved Freddy, but couldn’t watch this

Also I was scared to walk on orange carpet without shoes.. long story!" - Mandy

"I was really scared of bridges..I was a little bitch." -Cody

"Jaws was pretty damn scary for me after i saw that- like deep water stuff, big sharks etc- not necessarily scared of water or the ocean just gnarly, uncontained sharks"- Chaske

"Man, I've always feared death.

Is that creepy?

Other than that i was a pretty bad ass kid..

I did wear those no fear tshirts

for a reason!" -Rick

"Walking up the basement stairs in the dark

still flips me the fuck out today...make sure I do a double look behind me

cant be having any fools creep up on me." - Justin

"Toe nail clippings...Can I just say NASTY!" -Paula

"Bugs..every damn one of 'em." -Phinny

"So when I was 7 years old, my Dad got a VHS copy of the horror classic
ALIEN. I think it was still out in theaters but there was one guy in
our neighborhood in Cleveland who was KING PIRATE. He gave my dad a
copy of the tape. This was one of the first somewhat affordable
VCR's, and it was the kind with the huge manual buttons and the pop-up
top.

I watched the movie until the alien burst out of the guy's chest. It
freaked me out and I was shaking uncontrollably as I was insanely
scared about what I just saw. They both reassured me it was only a
movie, etc., but I KNEW BETTER.

As I laid in my bed I could swear I could feel one squirming around in
my chest. I could not sleep. So with my KID LOGIC, I figured if I
slept on my SIDE I would be okay. Also, I would not wear a t-shirt,
especially a white one. This would somehow protect me from this
ghastly fate. I could not sleep any other way. Also, any gas
anomalies or anything "off," and I'd worry a bit that an Alien was
going to explode out of my chest in the middle of the night.

It may have been months or over a year I don't remember exactly but
every night for a long time I was haunted by this fear. Eventually, I
grew out of it as I got older of course, but I kept up the
side-sleeping and no t-shirt thing for a long time just because I was
used to it.

Of course now Alien is one of my favorite sci-fi/horror movies of
all-time and I've watched in many, many times." -Carl




  

       This has been a lot of fun! I love how almost everyone said they feel like a complete nerd now because of the things that scared them when they were young. Today, as grown ups, we are afraid of hangovers, H.R. meetings, and the Duke Energy bill. Stuff sure was a lot simpler back then. Thanks to everyone who participated. You guys have an awesome weekend! We'll get into that video game mega post sometime in the next few days. For now, take it easy.


                                                      Warmest Regards,

                                                      Trox

P.S. At least you aren't this kook.

 "The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear."
--- H.P. Lovecraft

AND THIS YEAR'S SHOWER BEER CONTEST WINNER IS....

LESBIANS IN THE SHOWER!! 

     After tallying reader votes and breaking this contest down in to it's simplest form, Jason walks away with this year's Shower Beer Championship and a gift card to Chili's which will be hand delivered to him this Saturday! It was a close race, and the general consensus was that Danielle and Lauren probably never get stuck with the tab when they go to Chili's as it is. (By the way ladies, if either of you are ever bored on a Friday night, troxtalk.com has about 30 readers that we could set you up on a blind date with...sheesh..you are all animals...) These were the deciding factors in this competition...

1.) Jason's photo was the only one that contained two people in the shower, and they were both looking wet and wild!
2.) They actually appeared to have shampoo in their hair, but their eyes were wide open. That takes guts!
3.) Neither of lovely ladies actually owned this shower. Which means Jason had to go to the trouble of getting them over to his place and talking them in to it just for a little TroxTalk glory?! UNREAL!
4.) The bottom line is, there is not, and will not ever be a valid argument against lesbians in the shower.As much as troxtalk is not about objectifying women, or selling sex to get hits, this time the readers have spoken. They called out to the heavens in one united voice proclaiming.."We are all total pervy creepers!"


Here is Jason's post-victory interview....

TT: Jason, you have just won the first ever TroxTalk Shower Beer Challenge! You are now a part of history, and the world wants to know..How do you feel?

Jason: Oh, I feel amazing. the timing was everything i remembered that I needed to get my submission in and there just happened to be two lesbians in my shower.

TT: Who came up with the concept for this Shower Beer moment?

Jason: I mean the lesbians decided they were going to take a shower, and then I remembered I still needed to make my submission, so it just happened... it was like magic.  They had been partying the night before and they were like,"can I take a shower?" and I was like, yeah, and they were like "together?"and I was like, "yes, we encourage that."

TT: Who were the women pictured in your shower? Just some random lesbians you party with?

Jason: No, Actually they are Future Surgery Technicians, they go to school with my wife, Robyn.

TT: Walk us threw how you talked them into this? Did you have to sell them on the idea at all?

Jason: They were already taking a shower so I told robyn what I needed and they took it themselves with their camera in my shower.  So yeah, it was legit... in my shower.

TT: If you had to pick a photo besides yours, which one would you say gave you the best competition?

Jason:I think Danielle put up a good fight basically because she was drop dead sexy... and Keith did alright.  The duck in the beer mug was pretty funny... but he's not as hot as danielle

TT: Before I let you go, is there anyone you'd like to thank?

Jason: I'd like to thank my wife for having lesbian friends, and my family and of course, the lesbians.  AND troxtalk.com (hell no I didn't put him up to that last one!)




      If you guys were curious, Lauren and Keith tied for second, and Trevor rounded out the top 3! Thanks again to all who participated. You were all super creative, and it seemed like everyone was working a different angle to come out on top. We had a lot of fun putting this thing together. I personally feel like every day should be Shower Beer Day! Start thinking of your ideas for next year. This was our first contest here at TroxTalk, and I learned a lot from it (keep in mind I'm still fairly new at this). I promise you all it won't be the last!

                                                               Warmest Regards,

                                                               TRoX

SHOWER BEER FINALISTS!

     What up G's? I know I was supposed to get these up yesterday, but I was a little under the weather.. Here are the finalists for the Shower Beer Day Competition! Let us know what you think. The fate of someone's afternoon at Chili's could rest in your hands! I'll get on here and announce the winners once the votes are tallied! Thanks again to everyone who participated. These are pretty awesome...

Submitted by Jason...Points for having 2 people (rumored lesbian BONUS) AND a beer in there! Nice.

Submitted by Keith... I'm pretty sure I had that same Ducky at some point.

Submitted by Chad. You're an alcoholic. But seriously, while technically not in the shower, this was pretty awesome.

Submitted by Trevor... And to think I have been using that stupid thing for soap this whole time.

Submitted by Danielle...Classic bedro...errr....shower room eyes. That look just screams, "I want you, Chili's."

Submitted by Lauren.. This is a good one because it leaves a little up to the imagination. Also, the only one to use photoshop. I dig it. 

Hate Crow

      Everyone has heard of the expression "eating crow". Basically, eating crow is an idiom used to describe when a person or group takes a strong position on an issue, and then later someone who is either smarter than them or who is just a dick comes along, and spoils the fun by proving that position incorrect. Being forced to "eat crow" refers to the humiliation of admitting you're wrong or being proven wrong.
      In my quest to not reference religion in every single TroxTalk post, I will just say that back in the day there was this book. A lot of people read it, and adopted many of its beliefs, morals, and values. This book even instructed people on how they should eat. In this book, which will remain nameless, it says that it's absolutely disgusting to eat rats, buzzards, and other scavenger type creatures...Like? You got it. Crows. ..*cough*... Leviticus Chapter 11.
      The expression itself is derived from the figurative term "eating boiled crow" which originated 1850s America. People who study unimportant things like this tend to believe that "eating crow" started as a variation of the old English phrase "eating humble pie". See, humble pie was actually called "umble pie" as it was made from umbles, which are the unsavory parts of a deer. Umble pie was served to lower level servants or peasants in the old days while the upper class got to eat all the good stuff. It's sort of like how in my family the grown ups used to eat all the white meat at Thanksgiving and pass the groaty dark meat over to the kids table. Poor folks were also served rook pie...And rooks are in the same bird family (Corvidae Corvus) as crows. European Magpies, a type of crow, were also called "pies".

Rook

 

Rook

     Anywho, "eating crow" is an expression that has always fascinated me. I have even eaten crow a few times myself. There was a time when I insisted that HD-DVD was going to beat out Blu-Ray discs because just about every proprietary media format Sony has ever put out has ultimately flopped. Betamax, Super Audio Cds, Playstation.... But you see me working here, right? Even when a person eats crow there is still the opportunity to make a case for themselves after the fact.. When being proven wrong sometimes people will say things like "You couldn't tell I was being sarcastic?" or "Oh I was only half-serious" (by the way, how can something only be half-serious? That'll have to wait for a different post) What I'm saying is, no one is ever truly held completely accountable for anything in our society. There is always a way for some knob to sneakily wriggle out of his situation..Until now...I give you...

      Hate Crow is the great equalizer. The ultimate trump card. It is irrefutable. Un-rebuttable. Unforgiving. And Unstoppable. It's like the terminator. It doesn't feel sympathy or remorse. Once it has you in it's razor sharp talons, there is no escape. If "eating crow" is disgusting. Hate Crow is anthrax. If "eating crow" is humiliating, Hate Crow is rape. It is the ultimate STFU and should be unleashed with extreme caution, because once it's out of it's cage..you're done, son! In short, the Hate Crow would beat the piss out Brandon Lee. It might even be why he didn't live through the entire filming of the movie. He was making a mockery of the Hate Crow's inability to die, or forgive his enemies. Hate Crow does not like to be trifled with. His wrath is vengeful and his will is indestructible. In short, Hate Crow means, You are finished talking now. We all heard it. You're an idiot. Exit Stage left.

"And I say I'm dead...and I move!"

       Hate Crow is for that guy we mentioned earlier. The weasel who never just owns it when they're wrong. The liar who swears they meant something different when they hear their voice on tape. In fact, if you google "celebrity eating crow", next to nothing comes up. Try it! I'll wait... It's because no one ever makes celebrities just own what they say. Only the most vile or repeat offenders deserve such a punishment. You can't just go lobbing it around at anyone you don't like. That's dangerous and irresponsible. If you cast the Hate Crow out in to the night after it's prey you have to be certain it is justified. Be prepared to deal with it's consequences. Everyone survives "ate crow" but no one survives "Hate Crow"!

Hate Crow is the polar opposite of Sheryl Crow

Here are a few examples of those worthy of the Hate Crow...

Fergie, Nice Halftime Show..CROW!!

Perez, You earned it! CROW!!

Shirley Phelps, God Hates YOU! CROOOWW!!

Big Ben, Yeah..Sure ya didn't.

Ke$ha, Ma$e did it first! CROOOWWWW!!!

         You guys have seen me use this phrase a few times if you've been keeping up with the blog. Hopefully this sheds some light on things, as promised. I bet you already have a whole multitude of idiots you'd like to feed this bad boy to, so I'll leave you to it. Stamp a hate crow on a couple of 'em! I guarantee you'll start to feel better immediately. Send your victims to me @troxtalk on twitter, or shoot an email over to trox@troxtalk.com. This isn't a homework assignment, but I'll post them randomly throughout future posts. Meanwhile, watch out next week for the results of our 1st Annual Shower Beer Challenge. I asked people to grab your camera, grab a beer, put it in the shower, and be funny. The winner is going to Chili's on my dollar. Also Next week, I will begin a 10 day TROXATHON with a friend of mine as a special guest. We will lay out what we believe are the 10 Greatest Video Games of all time once a day for your debating pleasure, or you can just tune in to see how big of a geek I really am...Toodles.

 "Closing time! Time to roll to Chili's and chow down with my fuckin' boys!"