Having a bad day?

       Yesterday my basement flooded. I sat in traffic for 2 hours and as a result I was an hour late for work. Then my poor dogs anal glands exploded (yes that can happen) all over the walls of my stairway as he tried to destroy the Duke Energy guy...My house still wreaks of polyp juice, carpet mold, and meter reader blood...but when I saw this video I immediately felt better. Hope it works for you too.

I WANT MY MTV!

 
      What's up kids?! In case you were wondering, the answer is "YES!" I am the only blogger with the stones to kick things off with some Dire Straits and expect you to stick around! You gotta admit, that drum solo is pretty bitchin'... Do you remember MTV? I pose this question because anyone who is my age, or possibly a little younger, knows that there is a station on you local satellite or cable provider's program guide that is CALLED MTV...but they also know that's not MTV. I'm talking about MTV back before our society became enthralled with garbage reality shows like 'Jersey Whore', 'Not Another Teen Mommy', 'Bret Michaels' Isn't a Dude', etc..
       Everyone is constantly clamoring to be entertained while networks are trying even harder to find the next cash grab. I have to think that some of these hot shot network execs have figured out by now that everything  in the media is just a flash in the pan these days. Consumerism killed the real MTV. I don't much feel like giving out an economics lesson, but think about it. When MTV showed music videos during the day, and sprinkled in some late night programming here and there, they had to be profitable. Right? I know times change, but I refuse to be made to feel like an old fart for not accepting the way things are. I'm 26 not 75, and the fact remains that I would rather see MTV completely stripped down, given a new name, and never acknowledge it's former glory as opposed to continuing to watch it's legacy be flushed down the toilet.

I am no more an advocate of violence against women than I am of Jersey Shore, but I feel like she might have had this one coming...

        I cannot, for the life of me, name five shows on MTV today, and it's because everything they show nowadays is complete refuse. I saw on Facebook this morning in a friends status that MTV actually shows music videos at 6:00 in the morning. I supposed the reason is that there just isn't much of a market for music videos anymore. Even if an artist comes out with a good one, there are about 700 shitty ones to go along with it. Take this one for example...

          Something just occurred to me as I watched that (I posted it more for me than you..Sorry). Rather than sitting around whining on my blog about the good old days of music videos, I could take you for a stroll down memory lane for some of the reasons why I believe they should have just left MTV alone and kept the reality shows on VH-1. I'm pretty sure they are owned by the same company.
          At one point in my life I believed that music videos were the pinnacle of entertainment. My friends and I enjoyed them because they were always so versatile. Whether a video was funny, scary, thought-provoking, or just a live performance, they were great because there was almost always something for everyone, and if you didn't like the one that was on, all you had to do was wait for 3-4 minutes and it would make way for the next one. Eventually, MTV would resort to what seemed like a 50/50 split between commercials and actual videos, and then they even went so far as to cut the videos short so they'd have time for (drum roll please) you guessed it! MORE ADVERTISING!! It's no wonder people started to get sick of the shows on MTV that were supposed to be giving us our latest act to check out or cd to out. At just about the time we started to care what was on the screen again, they'd cut to another commercial.
          Here's my big idea. I always wanted to be a VJ. Russell Brand admits to being completely wasted for most of his time on MTV, and I'm fairly certain that I have more viewers on TroxTalk than Carson Daly does on Last Call, so let's do this! TROX REQUEST LIVE! Was your homework assignment for today. You guys sent me the music videos that you've missed seeing, and I compiled a one-stop-shop for you to get your throw back on. Uncut and commercial free.

 

 

            That about wraps up the first ever Trox Request Live video block. Before you ask, it did start with "This is how we do it" and end with "BYE BYE BYE" for a reason. You figure it out. I hope there was a little something for everyone in there! Did it bring back some memories? This was about the most fun post I could ever imagine, so we'll probably do it again sooner than later. I can personally guarantee that at least 7 of you will end up on TroxTalk bumping these videos while you're partying with your friends at some point this weekend. Drop me a line in the comments or email trox@troxtalk.com if you want to make some suggestions for next time. Follow the blog on twitter @troxtalk. Until next time. Keep it real. 

                                                               Warmest Regards,

                                                               Trox

Weekly Sports Headlines

           TroxTalk is not ESPN, but there were a few interesting things that took place in the world of sports this week that I wanted to hit on.

             The Reds are off to a respectable 8-4 start so far this season. After last weeks opening day game winning walk-off homer by Ramon Hernandez, Cincinnati sits alone atop the NL Central. They are one of the best teams in baseball right now, but after last nights game against the San Diego (whales vagina) Padres I think we all should be a bit concerned as Reds fans. Rocket armed relief pitcher Aroldis Chapman has seen about 10mph drop off his fastball over the Reds recent skid of away games. I, for one, hope this is a result of fatigue from being brought in to pitch during 4 out of their last 5 games, and it's not because of an injury that he is trying to play through or might be developing. He is rumored to be having a check up with team doctors sometime in the near future. We at TroxTalk wish him all the best.

 

          The Detroit Red Wings won their first Stanley Cup playoff game of the season Wednesday night against the Phoenix Coyotes. The final score was 4-2. I incorporate this into this weeks sporting news only because I am hockey fan, and I would encourage all of you nay-sayers to check out at least one NHL playoff series in the coming months. I was hooked immediately after witnessing my first Stanley Cup playoffs and I've loved the sport since. Maybe you will too!

                 Manny Ramirez apparently decided to retire this week after failing yet another Performance Enhancing Drug test. The only problem is, he didn't exactly tell anyone. After going 1 for 17 in his first 5 games with the Tampa Bay Rays, Manny was facing a possible 100 game suspension due to his latest PHD transgressions..Rather than face the music, he simply filed his retirement papers and disappeared without letting any of his coaches or teammates know he would not be returning. They had to find out on SportsCenter like the rest of us. After a career which saw him high-fiving fans midplay, disappearing behind the outfield wall to relieve himself, and playing entire innings with a water bottle in his back pocket, nothing should surprise us. His career ended the same way it began, with Manny just being Manny. He doesn't have to watch SportsCenter to discover he won't be treading anywhere in the vicinity of Cooperstown.

            First and foremost, I want to say that have never liked Allen Iverson, and I've never been a fan of any celebrity pulling the "Do you know who I am?"card... During a routine traffic stop where Iverson was riding shotgun while his friend Antwuan Cilsby was driving his silver 2007 Lamborghini Murcielago, things went awry. The initial stop was made because an officer noticed that the license plate on the vehicle had expired almost two years ago. (I thought rich people had servants who handled this sort of thing for them??) In typical Iverson fashion, Allen refused to cooperate, and went on a 20 minute tirade which resulted in his car being towed as well as a handful (or 5) of citations. "Take the car, I have 10 more like it! Don't the f$%#in' police have anything better to do than be f%$#in' with me?! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" Hopefully this won't be the last time we hear about Iverson breaking the rules and then flying off the handle after being held accountable. The last few times have been pure gold. This might be the most resentment I've had for AI since my days of playing NBA Jam on SEGA Genesis. He was ridiculous at raining 3's on me then, and he has ridiculously rained disappointment on us all ever since. What I'd like to know is why he didn't just stick to what has worked for him in the past.."U-turns? We talkin' 'bout U-turns? Not a speeding ticket..Not a vehicular manslaughter that I manage to come out here and avoid in my Lambo e'ery day! What are we talkin' about? U-turns? We sittin' here. I'm supposed to be a licensed driver. And we in here talking about U-turns..."

             Golf is boring. We all know that. And while the hills of Augusta are majestic and the stage for some of the greatest moments in the history of this snoozefest of a professional sport, there was something I've noticed this past week that kind of pissed me off, and I want to address it. I promise you, this is not becoming a golf blog or anything. On Sunday Charl Adriaan Scwartzel became just the 46th player in the history of the PGA to EARN himself the coveted green jacket. It has been a few days since his victory and so far I have heard absolutely no one give the guy his props. All I've heard about is how silly people think his name is, how Tiger Woods played his best golf in years (he finished tied for 4th), or how Rory McIlroy blew his big chance at the age of 21... The headlines should have been about how Schwartzel shot a 66 after birdies on the last four holes, which was the best performance in the final round of the Masters in about 22 years or so. No big deal. I've got your back Charl! Let me be the first to really give you the congratulations you deserve. We can't all be adultery ridden, waitress chasing, SUV crashers. Maybe you should have your people come out with an iPhone app that shows people how to win and lose a contest with a little class. I am sure it would outsell Tiger's crappy "My Swing" app.

TV Time!

      A couple of weeks ago I talked a little TV for the first time here on TroxTalk when I analyzed who would be replacing Steve Carrell on The Office, and everyone seemed to really dig it. I got some nice feedback, and decided maybe America's fattest pastime should get some more love on the blog. I am on the record stating that I love to watch sports, I'm a big fan of The Office, and I am probably the last adult male left on the planet with half a brain who still enjoys professional wrestling (don't squirm, I'll explain myself somewhere down the line.. Maybe..). Apart from those things I feel like there is a long list of shows on the small screen that seemingly everyone gets behind. Always Sunny, Lost, Eastbound and Down, 24, Jersey Shore (woof), and American Idol are all constantly showing up in my Facebook news feed.
      So these status updates got me wondering...what AREN'T people setting their DVRs to watch? I feel like I've recently adopted more than a few new shows that don't have the same amount of buzz generated by a South Park or Simpsons episode. That's not saying I don't still enjoy some of the old favorites, but I bet at least a couple of you are so bogged down with more important decisions, or so pressed for time that you can't afford to waste it taking a chance on something you might not thoroughly enjoy. I would hate for you guys to miss out! That's why I'm here! What if I offered you my personal stamp of approval on a select grouping of shows that do not suck in order to help you get your couch potato on the next time the opportunity presents itself? I will be your onscreen program guide minus all the infomercials, financially weighted opinions, and network propaganda! Before you ask, no one paid me to do this.(They should.) It's only my FREE opinion. It's just for fun.

These are the shows you aren't watching, but you should be...

The League:

        The League is a show on FX about a group of guys who, like many of us, completely obsess over fantasy football during every NFL season. It's sense of humor is pretty edgy because it's only semi-scripted. (Sorta like the good Will Ferrell movies.) Mark Durplass plays the main character Pete who, in many ways reminds me of Ron Livingston (Peter Gibbons from Office Space). It also features Paul Scheer (from Human Giant and The Upright Citizens Brigade) who is an improv comedy master. It's already been re-signed for a 3rd season, but with 22 minute episodes and 19 total episodes, you could get caught up in no time flat. And you'll probably crack up the entire time.

Comedian John Lajoeie plays my personal favorite character on the show named Taco.

Shameless:

        Shameless is another great show that has remained under most people's radar. I think it's partly because it has a later time slot than a lot of the bigger name shows, and partly because it's on Showtime, which most people have to pay extra for through their satellite or cable provider. I can honestly say Shameless alone is well worth the price of admission. It's about a horribly dysfunctional family headed up by William H. Macy who plays the part of Frank Gallagher. Frank is a single father of six kids, but because he is a complete loser of a lush, the children have learned to adapt and take care of themselves. They are dirt poor and have to take drastic measures just to make ends meet. Including, but not limited to: insurance fraud, car theft, fabricated workers compensation, and in some cases, selling drugs. While the situations these characters end up in can be funny at times, Shameless also has some pretty deep emotion and insight into world far different from our own.

William H. Macy is amazing in this role...much better than Wild Hogs.

Raising Hope:

        The basic plot of Raising Hope is that a young man named Jimmy (Lucas Neff) impregnates a serial killer during a one night stand. Then she ends up on death row, and leaves Jimmy to take care of his new baby daughter, Hope, all by himself. Jimmy still lives at home with his parents and senile Maw Maw (Cloris Leachman) who try to give him a hand, but aren't really the greatest role models as parents. His mom, Virginia is played by Martha Plimpton whom you might recall from her roll as 'Stef' in the 80s hit The Goonies. (I'll admit I had to IMDb that one just to be sure. Trust me. It's her.) What I enjoy the most about this show is that almost nothing about it is typical. The storyline is pretty original, and most of the characters aren't the same faces you are used to seeing over and over again. It just feels fresh, and the off-beat humor keeps me coming back each week.

 Cloris Leachman is probably the only real familiar face on Rasing Hope. But hey, she's won an Oscar, an Emmy, and a Golden Globe. No one from the cast of Friends, Joey, Cougar Town, or Mr. Sunshine can say that.

Spartacus:

       Of all the shows I'm pimping for no apparent reason in this post, Spartacus is by far my favorite. To this point there have been two seasons of the series that have aired on Starz. Spartacus: Blood and Sand chronicles the trials and tribulations of a Thracian slave (played by Andy Whitfield) from the time of his capture through his training and eventual glory in the Roman arena as a gladiator. That story may sound familiar to you.. In fact, when I first tuned in, I thought Blood and Sand to be nothing more than a blatant rip off of Ridley Scott's epic, but after a few episodes, I had found my favorite show of all time.
        The second season of Spartacus was a prequel called Gods of the Arena which offered more details on the relationships and upbringing of Whitfield's supporting cast from Blood and Sand. Originally, it was slated to continue where the first season left off, but production was delayed and GoA was eventually re-written due to Whitfield's unfortunate diagnosis with non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. It was thought for a while that Andy would no longer be able to continue on in the role of Spartacus due to his extreme illness. However, Starz recently issued a statement saying that he is responding well, and if everything goes as planned, Whitfield will hopefully return for at least a few episodes of the upcoming season which begins filming this October. This gripping behind-the-scenes story cause most of its viewers to love the show even more.
        While Spartacus doesn't have 300's special effects or Gladiators $103,000,000.00 budget (actual figure), it does have an awesome cast of characters with a web of intertwining story lines that all seem to perfectly intersect at just the right intense moment. The fight scenes are gory, the intimate scenes are raw, and the soundtrack is like nothing else on television. This show made me understand why some nerds feel the way they do about Star Wars. So much so, that I was even willing to shell out fifty bucks or so to own it on Blu-Ray rather than just stealing it off of teh internets.(I did that on purpose...stickler.)

Tell me this doesn't look badass! Go get you some!

        And if somehow none these programs trip your trigger... Here's my short list of shows that may have fallen by the wayside (or are already a few seasons in and you need to catch up on) on your DirecTV, but are definitely worth stockpiling in your Netflix queue for a rainy day.. Arrested Development, Party Down, Weeds, Parks and Recreation, and 30Rock (OK. Pretty much everyone already watches 30Rock).
         Maybe telling you I still watch WWE at the beginning of this opinionated post killed some of my credibility.. Screw it. I would love to hear if any of you faithful readers decide to check out something new based on my recommendation alone. And I'd thrilled to hear if you liked what you saw, but even more excited if you decide to berate me and call me a shit head for the garbage programming I've force fed you in this post. Feel free to bring me up to speed on anything on the boob-tube that I may be missing as well. Either way you have a vehicle. Email me at trox@troxtalk.com or follow me @troxtalk on Twitter. Holleratyerboy.

                                                           Warmest Regards,

                                                            Trox

TROX! Comment My Photo... (User Submitted)

          For last weeks TroxTalk Homework Assignment, I asked you guys to send me a picture, any picture, and let me take a crack and posting a funny comment on it. Here's the thing, it was sort of implied that the comments weren't going to be appropriate (or nice). I told you all that I love a challenge, so of course in true Troxaholic form, some of you sent me pictures of kitties, balloons, and even YOUR OWN KIDS! FOR SHAME! While I'm not in the business of telling you how cute something is, or being apologetic about anything I post on this site, let's all just try to take these comments with a grain of salt...

C'mon, I'll show you where my dad keeps his gun...

AAAmaaaaa-ziiinngg Graaaaacee!!

Instead of Man-O-War, I think this band should change their name to Man-O-Men.

Does this shirt make me look stupid?

We're Doomed.

I believe the children are our future...

Teach them well and let them lead the way.

Over 2 Million downloads so far on iTunes at .70 cents profit a piece. This idiot is a millionaire. Fuck You America.

Always tough. Always wrangler.

Best mandolin player in the WORRRLD! Self-taught! No Lessons! Thank you very much, POP!

           This TTHA was a lot of fun, and I'll be sure to bring it back again sometime. I've been pretty busy lately so this post was just to help me knock a bit of the rust off. Thanks to everyone who sent something in. Coming up this week on TroxTalk I'd like to get into The Masters, Manny Ramirez, and my favorite celebrity "Do you know who I am?" moments of all time. Also, we will have a TroxRequestLive Edition of the TTHA in which I ask you to tell me about your favorite music videos from back in the day. Until next time..

                                                             Warmest Regards,

                                                              Trox

BOOM! Outta here...

Here's a soundbite of the refined and sophisticated chap who is pitching for the Houston Astros against the Reds today. He has a career ERA .419, 1166 Strikeouts, and an I.Q of about 17. He is a real stand-up guy, as you can plainly see from the professionalism displayed in this clip of his conversation with Sam Carchidi, a beat writer for The Philadelphia Inquirer. Lucky for him there is no footage of the haymaker he planted on his wife's kisser in June of 2006....I would've posted that too. Hopefully Joey Votto can show Myers his own rendition of BOOM! Outta here during the match-up today. GO REDLEGS!

SNOOKIMANIA!!

      So if you didn't catch it. Snooki from MTVs Jershey Shore had her first professional wrestling endeavor on the grandest stage of them all last night at Wrestlemania 27. I am on the record saying that I hate everything about Jersey Shore, and Snooki most of all, but this blew me away. Well played, frumpy orange crack-skank. Well played.