Tour de Manly!

          Good day, Troxaholics! Recently I had an exciting opportunity to be a special guest on a well known Cincinnati area podcast, fittingly titled The Best Podcast. I was invited to take part in a wild Power Hour edition where we were all going to take a shot of beer every minute for an hour while still trying to maintain a topical and interesting show. It was the most fun I've had behind the mic in quite some time. The hosts, Dave and Phinny, couldn't have been cooler, and I think the whole thing turned out even better than any of us could have ever expected. If you haven't heard the show yet, or you'd like to check out the episode I helped out on, you need to go to www.thebestcast.com straight away. If you like it, you should follow them on iTunes (I am now). You won't be disappointed.
           So that was the plug, now lets get into some TroxTalk. Thanks again to everyone for the feedback on the Oprah post. Whether you agreed with my take or not, most people seemed to have a good time with the read, so I feel like I did my job. This next one is more for the fellas. So, back to this podcasting adventure. My favorite segment we did during the show was their weekly Top 5 segment. I feel like scores of entertainers from every media outlet attempt to pull off their own version of a countdown segment, and Letterman is clearly the best far and away. That said, The Best Podcast is an easy runner-up. As you will hear, if you've followed any of my instructions, during this weeks Top 5 the topic of discussion was "What are the 5 most manly drinks a person can imbibe?" We came up with a great list of worthy beverages, but I wanted to use this post to describe in a bit more detail, why I felt like each one was selected, and who makes these drinks the manliest...errr...most manly?...manlierestest.
 

 #5 Bombay Sapphire

 

           While the other drinks on the list are straight up "man's game". Sapphire is more of a gentleman's game, but it's still pretty studly. It's a little on the pricey side, and it comes in a sissy looking glass depending on how you take it. Neverless, Sapphire is a status symbol. No one ever says, "Check out that homeless dude with the Bombay and tonic." And it tastes amazing! It is a classy pick designed for a businessman out to lunch, or a mogul sitting in the back of a limo surrounded by beautiful scantily clad skanks..but you know..classy skanks. Tommy the truck driver doesn't drink it, but the CEO of his company, Murray Moneybags, surely does. Who else will you catch with a Sapphire?: George Clooney, anyone at the opening of an art gallery, Scrooge McDuck, The entire cast of Swingers, and my personal hero, Mr. Bombay Sapphire himself, Jim Rome.

 

 #4 Dirty Tequila

         No list of the manliest drinks would be complete without a shot of nasty, stinking, filthy tequila. If you are one of these people saying "But, Trox, I like the taste of Tequila" then enjoy your unmanly Patrón. I am talking about the bottle on the bottom shelf with that gross little creature bathing in it's own excrement at the bottom. If the bartender doesn't have to dust off your tequila selection, then it's just not manly enough for this countdown. You don't put salt on your hand and bite a lime because you enjoy it. You do it because you have to. Who would possibly drink something like this? I'll tell you: Dennis Rodman, Scarface (the rapper or the Pacino), Charlie Manson, the work crew in front of Home Depot, train robbers on horseback, Jaoquin Pheonix, the sheriffs who stop train robbers on horseback, Nick Nolte, and Chilean coalminers. 

#3 The Irish Car Bomb

 

          The Irish Car Bomb is a rockstar drink. (Not to be confused with a Rockstar Energy Drink) I mean it is a shot for rockstars. A Car Bomb is accomplished by combining a mixed shot of Jameson Irish Whiskey and Baileys Irish Cream with a delicious glass of Guiness Irish Draught. The name should be starting to make sense by now. Anyway, you say something witty because the Irish are always good for a toast or song, (Ex: "May the Gods keep the wolves in the hills and the women in our beds!"...yes, I know it's from Troy.) and then you drop the shot into the glass of beer and pound it as fast as humanly possible. This drink is manly for a few reasons. First of all, it involves whiskey, and chugging beer. Both activities are time honored manly traditions. Also, it typically begins and ends with loud noises, chants, or grunts. Such is the fate of man. (Too poetic?) Lastly, 9 times out of 10 it ends it a huge manly satisfying belch. Probable Car Bomb Drinkers: Slash, Captain Caveman, any sad bastard ginger at a bar in Ireland at 9am, Trox, and Lemmy from Motorhead.

#2 Budweiser aka Bud

Diesel

         

          What do you think of when you hear the name Budweiser? Football, bikinis, big scary horses, inappropriate advertising, or maybe just a construction worker coming home and b-lining for the fridge after a hard days work. What could possibly be more manly than any of those things? Budweiser is thick, but not snobby. The commercials make you laugh, but it is no joke. That's why it checks in at #2. This buds for you: President Barak Obama (Not kidding. It's his favorite. Look it up!), Nascar fans, frogs, oil covered mechanics,  clydesdale enthusiast, and Sam Elliot. 

 

#1 Whiskey Neat

       
         Whiskey neat is manliest of the manly drink orders, and the reasons should go without saying...I'll say them because more TroxTalk is always better. A clean rocks glass full of Jack, Jim, or Makers with no ice. Doesn't that sound neat? Whiskey is aged in barrels and savored by the manliest of men. Basically the highest caliber of each of the aforementioned four drinkers on this list would be the only ones capable of pulling off a whiskey neat. It requires swagger, grit, wisdom, and balls to order a whiskey neat and finish it. If Budweiser gets you through a tough day, whiskey neat will get you through a divorce. If you drink a Sapphire during a business meeting to loosen up, whiskey neat will turn you into Gordon Gekko. And if you party hard on car bombs and tequila shots, whiskey neat will make you a golden God. Need proof? Here's who you'll catch with a neat whiskey: Ghandi, Scott Baio, Jack Bauer, The Wu Tang Clan (all of em), Martin Sheen, Chuck Norris, Bill Clinton, The Dalai Lama, and Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock.

 

            

             There's your Top 5  Tour de Manly recap. (Feel free to post your Top 5 manly, womanly, or favorite drinks in the comments if you think we left something out.) After the Power Hour Podcast we came up with the brilliant challenge of an actual physical Tour de Manly. The four of us, Dave, Phinny, DJ Chaney, and myself, went on a little pub crawl and ordered one of the Top 5 at each establishment. We ended the evening with a glass of whiskey neat, and I BARELY made it out alive. We lost some great men that night...but that story will have to wait for another episode because I'm going a little long here. Remember you can follow me on Twitter @troxtalk to catch the latest postings or sign up using you Gmail account to follow TroxTalk on this site and receive email updates (not spam! it basically just tells you when we put something new up.) Thanks again for stopping by. Next time we're going to get back into some sports with my Super Bowl preview and I'm going to introduce you to a little guy I like to call the Hate Crow....

                                                                                                                                        Warmest Regards,

                                                                                                                                                                            Trox